Let's Make this First Kiss Our Last | Listen Now!
Datin' the Great Satan | Listen Now!
Three Sided Coin | Listen Now!
They're Playing Our Dirge | Listen Now!
The Autopsy | Listen Now!
Yesterday's Coffee It's Bittersweet (the aqua velva song)
The Stranger
Little Sister (the authority song)
...yet
...yet...again
What Is It Only Hurts A Little
The Christmas Song

Let's Make this First Kiss Our Last

With my nose pressed up against the window
That's where it all began
And I stayed like that for days and weeks and months and years it seems
And when I finally got it up
You know the nerve to talk to you
Well you seemed so glad, it was almost as if
You'd been waiting too

And so we started hanging out
And became known as good friends
But just between the two of us we knew that that's not where it would end
And how can I ever forget
That fateful Valentine's
When I took your hand and our eyes met
And then you pressed your lips to mine

Well your kiss was even sweeter
And more tender than I'd feared
And I could sense your surprise when you tasted my salty tears
And as I turned to walk away
I heard you ask me why
I know I should have kept on walking
But instead I turned and replied

Let's end it now
Let's not take it any further
End it now
You know we've both been hurt before
And a wise man knows that the future
Is just a repeat of the past
So come on now let's make this first kiss our last

(Spoken)You know if I learned anything in the three years I spent in the seventh grade it's that if you don't study up on your history They're sure as hell gonna make you repeat it. And if there's one thing I've learned in these, my later years, about relationships it's that, well, well, a crush, a crush is like a spiritual thing eternal and unchanging, while a relationship, well a relationship is a living thing and no matter how beautiful it is still destined to go the way of all flesh...

So let's end it now
Let's not take it any further
End it now
Because we've both been hurt before
And a wise man knows that the future
Is just a repeat of the past
So come on dear let's make this first kiss our last

Back to Top

Datin' the Great Satan

Made my way across the dance floor kinda' like a snail
It's not that I was moving slow, but I was surely leavin' a trail
Of interupted dances, backward glances, and whispered "do you think he knows"
I was oblivious, to all of this, and just waitin' for you to show
Found myself a quiet spot where I could keep one eye on the door
I wasn't worried just 'cause you were late, you know I've waited for you before
And when you walked right in behind him, it still did not occur
To me to think, for even one second, that you could possibly be together

That's when I saw him take your hand
I saw the way you looked at him
My eyes they popped
My jaw it dropped
And the room began to spin
And that's when I said it again,and I said it again
You know the world's gonna' end because she's datin' the great Satan

I shook my head, I rubbed my eyes, I'm not religious but I began to pray
I called upon a higher power to take my vision away
Now what you can't concieve, you won't believe, you know denial is the name of the game
But all I could do is stare, because you know glass is clear, and I was looking right through the pain

That's when I saw you kiss his lips
I knew that the deed had been done
I started runnin'
All around the room
Screamin' the last days have begun
And that's when I started sayin' again and again and again
You know the world's gonna end because she's datin' the great Satan

I was feelin' kinda' shaky
You know I stood on shaky ground
No safe place to lay my body down
I was feelin' kinda' dizzy
And mister head met mister wall
And I took a fall, I took a fall

And as I lay on my back
The whole world went to black
I repeated mindlessly
Just like a parrot on crack

You know I said it again and I said it again
And I said it again and again and again
Yes I said it again and again and again
You know the world's gonna' end because she's datin the great satan

Back to Top

Three Sided Coin

Well it's a three sided coin that you're flipping
I could leave now, or stay a while
or go the distance

And if I'm just one more name on your list then
We'll let the coin decide
If I should walk or ride

If I walk, I won't look back
If I stay I'll face the fact
That pages easily turn, bridges easily burn
nothing flips like a three sided coin

And if you turn your back on me, I won't question you or grieve
I'll put the blame on a three sided coin
I'm puttin' the blame on that three sided coin

Back to Top

They're Playing Our Dirge

They're playing our dirge
The feast is over now it's time to purge
you go with him dear and I'll go with her
yes it's been fun but now it's over

they're playing our dirge
that haunting melody those sad sad words
it's 'bout the saddest thing that I've ever heard
they're playing our dirge

sure we could ignore it and hope it goes away
but tell me what is the chance
this may be the last time that I hold you in my arms
so let's face the music and dance

give me one last kiss
a sweet reminder of what I'm gonna' miss
then introduce me to your husband's fist
they're playing our dirge

sure we could ignore it and hope it goes away
but tell me what is the chance
this may be the last time that I hold you in my arms
let's face the music and dance

it was a good lie
we had a good time now let's just say good-bye
you'll feel much better when you've had a good cry
I'm getting out while I've still got one good eye
I'll take the low road baby you take the high
they're playing our dirge

Back to Top

The Autopsy

You look a little nervous, I can tell you want to talk
Last night you tossed and turned beside me, while I slept like a log
Now I kinda' feel like laughin', though I know I 'oughtsta cry
'cause you were up all night just thinkin' 'bout a way to say goodbye

You're tellin' me to sit down, I'm not even out of bed
Why don't you get it off of your chest, while I have my liquid breakfast
And I'll pour myself a tall one, though you'll keep it short and sweet
It seems your someone new has put a spell on you, and I just can't compete

You're leaving-- with "he's so hot"
I should be grieving-- but I'm not
So don't you tear yourself apart
Thinkin' 'bout how you broke my heart
You're cutting on a cadaver and worrying 'bout the scars

You break it to me gently, and I take it like a man
You look at me suspiciously and ask if I've got plans
I'm not thinkin' 'bout tomorrow now that my yesterdays are gone
I just help you with your suitcases and then I lay back down

It's over-- and you're gone
I'm still sober-- but not for long
So don't you tear yourself apart
Thinkin' 'bout how you broke my heart
You're cutting on a cadaver and worrying 'bout the scars

Back to Top

Yesterday's Coffee It's Bittersweet (the aqua velva song)

She's drinkin' yesterday's coffee
It's bittersweet
She woke up, next to a stranger
With a new disease
She threw back two shots of Aqua Velva
To stave off the D.T.s
Still she's happier then when she was with me

The landlord's knockin' at her door
Of course she's broke
Her hands are shakin' so badly
She can hardly smoke
But she's just glad that she's not listening to my jokes
Yes she's happier that when she was with me

She may be sleepin' in the gutter
But she still likes it better
Than when I was reachin' over
And trying to get with her

She's in the hospital now
And it's day to day
She's hooked up to a machine to help her respirate
And every time it fills her lungs she shouts, "let's celebrate"
Yes she's happier than when she was with me

It seems she's on a mission
To tell anyone who'll listen
She got just what she'd been wishin' for
The day that I walked out the door

She's hiding under the bed,
scared of "who knows what"
She's off her meds,
and she's out of touch
The voices in her head are saying cut cut cut
Still she's happier than when she was with me
Yes, she's happier than when she was with me

Back to Top

The Stranger

My beautiful daughter, was sleeping beside me
I was rereading, "The Killer Inside Me"
When I got to thinkin' 'bout something a stranger
Had said to me just that day

He said of my daughter, she's quite a cutie
Doubtless will grow up, into a great beauty
And by the time she's through, goin' 'round doin' what she'll do
She'll break a heart or two

I just smiled/when he said it
And I went on/with my day
I didn't think too/much about it
Just seemed like something/people say
But as I looked down/at my daughter
I could swear she looked up at me and said
"It's true, and daddy I think I'll start with you"

I'll do something foolish, with someone who's useless
And then I'll get bolder, with a jugheaded soldier
And without even trying, I'll get you crying
You know that it's true

Well I'm a lover not a fighter
I'll fold up like a paper fan
She won't do it 'cause she wants to
She'll just do it 'cause she can
If you want to get your heart broke,
Well you know now who to see
But you've gotta' understand,
the line it forms here behind me

Back to Top

Little Sister (the authority song)

you know we sure look good together
I wanna' stay right by your side
I know I dated your big sister
but I was not satisfied
and now I'm here to let you know
my love is true 'cause it's been tried

oh yes it's true true true
that I have played played played
this game before 'fore 'fore
I'm not the same same same
so can I get a witness here to testify that I have changed

I stood up at my brother's wedding
and I just had to laugh
but then the thing that struck me funny
suddenly it struck me sad
I call his new bride the magician
'cause she cut that boy in half

oh yes there's not not not
much that remains 'mains 'mains
blood on my hands hands hands
we're all to blame blame blame
and yes he still howls at the moon but all I hears his rattlin' chain

a young girl throws the door wide open
her whole life's in front of her
she's travelling without a road map
where she'll end up she's not sure
but what she may lack in experience
she'll make up for in nerve

oh yes she's got got got
alot to learn learn learn
water is wet wet wet
fire it burns burns burns
and if she chooses to lay down with
me I'll know it's just my turn

well we've all got got got
alot to learn learn learn
sometimes we take take take
more than we've earned
we're all just small boats cast upon the water never to return
and if she chooses to lay down with me I'll know it's just my turn
and if my brother's standing at the bow I'll gladly take the stern

Back to Top

...yet

Well your eyes they are filled
with both hurt and questions
yes your Mother and I have been fighting again
still no permanant action is immanent
but it's only a matter of time

...yet...again

Well your eyes they are filled
with both hurt and questions
yes your Father and I have been dating again
still no permanant action is imminent
but it's only a matter of time

Back to Top

What Is It Only Hurts a Little

you know I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
that's right I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
you know I'm turnin' a blind eye to the evil that you do

here's a story 'bout a lucky guy
went and got himself a pretty wife
she promised that she'd never tell a lie
now all he ever does is cry cry cry
you may wonder what the trouble is
okay I'm tellin' ya' now that ignorance is bliss

and that I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
that's right I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
you know I'm turning a blind eye to the evil that you do

go on and tell me you'll be out all night
I'll just roll over and turn off the light
if anybody asks me where you are
I'll tell them that you're right here in my arms
now that you've got the perfect alibi
well you may as well go on out and commit the crime

and yes I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
that's right I hear no see no hear no see no I speak no evil too
okay I'm turnin' a blind eye to the evil that you do
Come on Baby Come on do your worst
You're just gettin' home I'm almost late for church
I'm a gonna' say a prayer for you
and if you ask me nice I'll say one for your boyfriend too

I've got some bruises from runnin' into walls
I may have missed a few important calls
and if you're wonderin' 'bout my complexion
you try livin' with your head buried in the sand
it may not be good for your body
but it does things for the soul that you just won't believe

I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
okay I hear no evil see no evil speak no evil too
that's right I'm turnin' a blind eye to the evil that you do

I'm not complainin' dear I know how it works
I'll do the monkey while you do the jerk
I know I'm only one of two or three
and that the monkey in the middle looks alot like me

yes I'm the monkey in the middle
oh I'm the monkey in the middle
and I'm the answer to a riddle
what is it only hurts a little
that's right the monkey in the middle looks like me

Back to Top

The Christmas Song

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Is it such a shock to hear my voice?
I woke up early Christmas morning
thinking 'bout you and the boys
I don't want to ruin Christmas
I just called up to say
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
and I'll be dead by New Year's Day

I started drinking on Thanksgiving
and I don't mean just a nip
I bought a case of that rot-gut moonshine
You know the kind that you're supposed to sip
I found by mixing in a little bit of Koolaid (TM)
it would go down and it would stay
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
I'll be dead by New Year's Day.

Go on and cry, it always seems to make you feel better
though we both know tears are wasted on me
just let them fly I know it's not something that I deserve
though I could sure use the sympathy

Now let me talk to Junior please.
I'm calling up to let you down, son
I can't imagine that you're surprised
you've looked under the tree
there's nothing there from me
but at least I remembered your size
yes you can wear this veil of sorrow
for dress up or for play
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
I'll be dead by New Year's Day

Don't tell your brother till he's older
how I rang the new year in
go tell your mother it's all over
and that her new life can begin
Oh, yes, about her new friend

You and your brother can start calling him Daddy now
Hell it might make your mama smile
and that is something that I have not be able to do for quite a while
by the time this new year has grown old
You'll be wearing his name
it used to hurt me just to think it
but now your dad's feeling no pain
I still don't like it, but I'll soon be in
no position to complain

Epilogue

The next time that you see me
I'll be in my Sunday best
my hands for once not shaking
will be laid upon my chest
and if you feel it son, you can lean over
and give Daddy one last kiss.

Contact Us!